I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
