He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
