im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
