Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
