I think I can smell my own vagina right now
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
my liver is dry heaving
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
