you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
