the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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