I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
