Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
