Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
