My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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