Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize