No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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