What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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