i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize