Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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