Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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