I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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