office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
