You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
