you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
