I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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