I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
