Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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