I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
