What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
