Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
