Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
