Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
