She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize