I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
