Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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