honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
