I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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