saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
