I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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