R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize