What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
