Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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