we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
