he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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