I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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