Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize