i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So much rum. So many feels.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
