Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
