I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
