my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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