Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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