I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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