Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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