If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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