he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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