Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
