it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
