he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
