I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
