I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
