He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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