It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
