I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
