3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
