who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
two words...techno handjob
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We are two peas in an std pod
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
