How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
