Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
