I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
