I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
