He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up