well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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