Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
