I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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