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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  this medicine is soooo good.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.

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• (518): View more from New York

  I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?

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• (786): View more from Florida

  I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?

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• (310): View more from California

  She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed

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