They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
