Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister

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  (305): Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever (615): She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister http://tfl.nu/5zux
  Replies (88) Good night (7632) Bad night (1276)
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  (661): View more from California

  I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.

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  (661): I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special. http://tfl.nu/zosx
  Replies (24) Good night (3392) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me

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  (978): literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me http://tfl.nu/9ayb
  Replies (41) Good night (5666) Bad night (1201) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Jealous.

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  (417): Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls. (573): Jealous. http://tfl.nu/6b8u
  Replies (9) Good night (3670) Bad night (1593)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  It was the best sex i've ever had.

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  (540): That was the scariest sex i've ever heard.... (1-540): It was the best sex i've ever had. http://tfl.nu/k8p9
  Replies (13) Good night (7619) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.

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  (315): They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it. http://tfl.nu/5i1a
  Replies (12) Good night (8157) Bad night (968)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???

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  (702): If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy??? http://tfl.nu/4rkp
  Replies (30) Good night (640) Bad night (4782) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  ...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks

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  (804): ...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks http://tfl.nu/unmu
  Replies (19) Good night (3285) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...

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  (443): At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead... http://tfl.nu/ukld
  Replies (10) Good night (673) Bad night (4232)
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  (714): View more from California

  Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.

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  (714): Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again. http://tfl.nu/2ucs
  Replies (4) Good night (702) Bad night (2419) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt

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  (425): I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt http://tfl.nu/d0wp
  Replies (1) Good night (1536) Bad night (487)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.

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  (563): Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out. http://tfl.nu/o8je
  Replies (4) Good night (1488) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay

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  (859): Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay http://tfl.nu/mr5s
  Replies (5) Good night (495) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.

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  (918): That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates. http://tfl.nu/madm
  Replies (8) Good night (1745) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.

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  (240): I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator. http://tfl.nu/kcd0
  Replies (1) Good night (442) Bad night (188) Order T-Shirt

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