dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
