While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
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my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
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May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...