I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
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you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
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If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.