hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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