Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides