If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one