I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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