he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
