OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
