What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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