I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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