shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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