try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
