i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
