How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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